Tag Archives: friday fashion fail

Friday Fashion Fail: Fickle

11 Feb

Come on - you know you owned some JNCOs back in the day!

Sorry for the alliteration there in the title. I try to avoid those unless they are super clever as they usually come off sounding incredibly cheesy. Nevertheless, this one was a bit unavoidable considering how fitting it is. You see, fashion is audaciously fickle, encouraging us to embrace one trend to the next, without making any connection between the two. They often are actually polar opposites. And thus, we are instructed to throw away what we own and go out and buy more, only then to be hit with the same trend of the clothing we JUST threw away about one season (or sooner) less. It’s one of the reasons why I believe it’s better to invest in basics that work well for your body type, then accessorize in a more bold fashion. It doesn’t mean boring – it just means you spend a lot less annually on your wardrobe than the folks who are trend drones.

This month in the newest ridiculous trend being pushed on us: flared leg pants.

Remember when, just a few seasons ago, those were so OMG passe? What Not to Wear was instructing people to burn them, hipsters wouldn’t be caught dead in them, and every celebrity lamented how such jeans made their hips look big? Well now they’re back, as if the public’s hatred of them had never been uttered. It’s all a bit too 1984 with me; you know: a war with Oceania today and a peace treaty the next? Our fashion trends should not be as complicated (and, ironically, simultaneously fickle) as our politics, but it is all a part of the need to consume as consumer culture fuels a nation’s economy.

When I saw this message in my email box from Piperlime, I immediately started laughing:

O rly, Piperlime? I can’t LIVE without these jeans, that a mere 6 months ago I was instructed to relentlessly destroy and never look back? Plz.

I rather like these jeans, and felt betrayed and hurt when the industry dissed them, but luckily, skinny and wide leg trousers work for my body type. But I say don’t be fooled. Wear what makes you feel comfortable and that looks good on your body. Ignore these fools. Afterall, they are far too fickle.

– Retail DJ


Friday Fashion Fail: WTForever21?

26 Nov

Just in time for Black Friday, the Superbowl of shopping days, I came across this site via Jezebel. It’s a lovely visual amalgamation of all the things I love to hate about Forever 21 (though, admittedly, they sometimes have really cute items, many of which I profile on this very site) called WTForever21?. On the site, they round up the fugliest finds from Forever 21 along with a litle commentary that’s worthy of a lot of laughs. Imagine Friday Fashion Fail, but focused on one store. Good luck staying away from the worst items profiled as you shop today.

Here’s a preview:

Crushed poop

I love rock of the 90′s.

But I hate the fashion.


ESPECIALLY the horrific crushed velvet blouse trend.

This monstrosity turns an otherwise very pretty girl into someone you’d be disappointed to sit next to on a plane because you know all they would want to do was talk about their coven and “The Goddess.”

Price: $19.80

Forever 21, WTF?


– Retail DJ

Friday Fashion Fail: Ug(g)ly

17 Sep

No. Just . . . no.

Emu Australia made a big, tall dud with this one.

Friday Fashion Fail: Sandal Assault

18 Jun

I am not big fan of summer, but I do rather enjoy summer shoes, particularly sandals. I think they often entail a lot of creativity to make them pop considering they are so simple in concept. In New York, wearing sandals is a bit of a risky venture, considering everything is so dirty that your soles are bound to be black by the end of the day and your pedicure is likely to be ruined as well.

Nevertheless, sandals are pretty to look at.

At least, MOST of the time.

Though sometimes, there are some seriously ugly sandals out there. Here are a few of the fuglies I’ve seen ad nauseum on the streets of Brooklyn (in all colors):


Taking lattice to a whole new level of busted:

Shrek much?

And one I hope NEVER to see in person.

Lastly, who said wearing sandals with socks was OK again?!?! or . . EVER?!?!?

– Retail DJ

Friday Fashion Fail: Frankenstein

28 May

If Frankenstein became a disco go-go dancer in a pre-historic club, this is what his shoes would look like. Why, Jeffrey Campbell, why?

Jeffrey Campbell "Roks" Wedge

The price? $148. The amount of money spent of hospital bills from falling in these suckers? $5000. The fact that NOT buying these can save you years of medical care and embarrassment? Priceless.

– Retail DJ

Friday Fashion Fail: Appropriated Racism

7 May

Prince Harry's Swastika Incident

If you want to be racist, great. I don’t mean to say that racism is great, but I suppose that’s the perogative of said possessor of racism, and in this free country, their right to express their racism is up to them. But one trend I have noticed and that I find particularly revolting is the appropriation of racist garb for the sake of being “hip.” While I recognize that the person wearing racist symbols may not be attempting to appear racist, that is clearly a) unknown to the onlooker, and b) pointless.

Much like the Nazi / Hitler / Swastika trend that landed in Japan a few years back, the rebel flag (aka “Confederate” flag) has come back full force, or at least for celebritante Peaches Geldof. Check out this pic that was featured on Jezebel recently:

Peaches Geldof


I grew up in the South, where this flag can still be seen in the form of bumper stickers, patches on hats and backpacks, as well as t-shirts, though it has become less and less common (at least in public) over time. Some say it’s a sign of Southern heritage, but clearly, it’s a sign for a select group of people, none of them of color. The sign for tons of people, both Southern and otherwise, is one of hate, war, and domestic terrorism, the latter of which being the primary reason the KKK took it on.

What’s interesting about the Confederate flag in the United States, however, is that we are so desensitized to it that when some people see it, they think nothing of it, particularly in the South. Though for some, particularly much older black Southern people, I can imagine this symbol compels the same amount of fear and possibly even PTSD as, say, a swastika may affect a survivor of the Holocaust.

The bottom line is that while I am completely open to appropriation in fashion, recognizing that it happens all the time and that it’s quite frankly inevitable, this type of appropriation, one that involves using symbols of hate to make a fashion statement, is highly problematic, and trivializes the horrific experiences that may have been suffered by others solely for the sake of making a “statement.”

– Retail DJ

Too Crazy to Wait Until Friday: Vajazzling

12 Apr

"P*ssy Bling"??!?!

When I first saw the ad for this on facebook, I seriously thought it was some sort of joke. I thought wrong. It seemed humorous enough to qualify for a Friday Fashion Fail post, but I found it so absurd that I needed to talk about it NOW.

If you thought extreme wax jobs, piercings, and (on the extreme end) labia plastic surgery were out of the ordinary, you’ve seen nothin’ yet. Check out the new trend in nutso vaginal adornment: Vajazzling:

Some things just go together. Peanut butter and jelly. Zac Efron and hair products. Your vagina and Swarovski crystals.

Yes, you’ve read about it in blogs and saw Jennifer Love Hewitt gushing about it on late night. Let us assure you that whatever you want to call it – Vajazzling, Crystal Coochin’, or the hottest thing ever, the practice of having sparkling crystals adhered to your nether regions in place of pubic hair is a very real thing and is very, very popular.

And Brazil Bronze Glow Bar isn’t just jumping on the bling-bling beaver bandwagon. Not only have they been applying perfect tans for almost a decade, they’ve also been Vajazzling New Yorkers since 2002. Now, exclusively on Lifebooker Loot, we’re offering their dazzling skillz for only $17 (that’s 32% off the regular price of $25).

A quick rundown for those living under a rock: a “comprehensive” shave, or even better, a Brazilian, must be done ahead of time. We recommend you do it a day in advance, and get a great deal at one of Lifebooker’s top waxing spots.

Now that you’re smooth, you and a Brazil Bronze “Vajazzling Artist” will go over the possible designs – butterfly, dragon, and heart are just some of your options – and then comes the quick, completely painless application. Fifteen minutes later, you’ll have a beautiful piece of artwork on your body, and one hell of a conversation starter.

Some argue that Vajazzling is just an extension of the misogynistic want for sexualized women to look prepubescent. Others find having their nether regions (or their girlfriend’s nether regions) resemble a disco ball super sexy. No matter what your stance, we can all agree that nothing is more important than having the ability to choose what happens to your own hoo haa.

If want to do something new just for you, or give your lover a sexy surprise, this will sure do the trick. Grab this Loot now and rock out with your blinged out vag out!

Testimonials from Vajazzled Brazil Bronze Clients:

“I was a little nervous before my first Vajazzeling session. My Vajazzeling artist Klaudia could not have been nicer. I almost forgot she was doing her handiwork. I chose a delightful Swarovski flower and it stayed put for a week. I loved, and my boyfriend loved it. I will definitely do it again.” – Teresa Kliokis

“P*ssy bling rocks. I feel really sexy right now. I got a cute little dragonfly.” – Sally Giles

“It really enhances the beauty of a woman’s body, and we all know diamonds are a girl’s best friend.” – Sheila Boyle

If you find yourself saying WTF? as I am right now, we are reading the same article. I think this might also qualify as something I’d code as *youhavetoomuchmoneyforyourowndamngood*. Sigh.
– Retail DJ
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